i'm feeling very 'ghost on third'-ish. it seems to be that the whole world is holding a magnifying glass above me and my surroundings, its simotaniously exaggerating my flaws and burning me at the same time. i feel like a bag lady, although i've asked the lord to take away these bags, the luggage is still here, a la boogie board/ surfboard wrist thingyies.

for the most part i believe that i am an upstanding person, but in the pitt of my stomach, something doesn't seem to agree, maybe its just my insomnia, my paranoia of the worlds end, been reading to many novels, too much news i suppose.

its kinda strange not to have gentlemen callers knocking on my doors, windows, etc. i guess this is a time set aside for me to get my act together?


;/

I've realized that life is so precious, it really is. You dont know when its going to end for you, so take advantage of it. These words mean alot to me, so much now than they ever did. Im very confused and angry at this point, just so many questions, so many things that i could have done. I realized that everything works, everything is dictated by the most high.

I'm getting a little closer with my sister lately, its not as if we weren't close, but our relationship has a busload of tension in it. I've been in a shitty slump as of late, I've been unmotivated, and I need that to stop. I am the only one who can do it. My counselor at school told me about it way back when, but I've just pushed it to the side, and tried to hide it, tried to smother it with smiles, smother it with plans of doing this, later, next month, tomorrow.

I need to find something that motivates me, and its very silly, very ignorant of me, but i think i have found someone. I know the dangers of someone, but like the coin-operated-robot i am, i chase shiny pennies, quarters, dimes, nickels, pesos, euros, etc, etc.