I've realized that life is so precious, it really is. You dont know when its going to end for you, so take advantage of it. These words mean alot to me, so much now than they ever did. Im very confused and angry at this point, just so many questions, so many things that i could have done. I realized that everything works, everything is dictated by the most high.

I'm getting a little closer with my sister lately, its not as if we weren't close, but our relationship has a busload of tension in it. I've been in a shitty slump as of late, I've been unmotivated, and I need that to stop. I am the only one who can do it. My counselor at school told me about it way back when, but I've just pushed it to the side, and tried to hide it, tried to smother it with smiles, smother it with plans of doing this, later, next month, tomorrow.

I need to find something that motivates me, and its very silly, very ignorant of me, but i think i have found someone. I know the dangers of someone, but like the coin-operated-robot i am, i chase shiny pennies, quarters, dimes, nickels, pesos, euros, etc, etc.